my --chaotic-- self

Every game,every profession has a master, an icon, a performer, a God. Tennis has Roger federer, acting has Amitabh bachchan, leadership has Obama and so it is true for every profession in the world.But have you ever heard a sex-worker getting applauded, popular, getting hall of the fame status. do we ever say that he or she is the best one in the business so lets hire them. may be not.its not because they are despised, denigrated or considered a taboo in our society.its all because they dont completely love their work.most of them are thrown into the business during their school going days.none among them ever is emotional, passionate and obsessed about their work.what they finally aspire for is money.you all might disagree but life is all about emotions.that is one thing which differentiates us from machines.
life is a big conundrum thats what people say, and thats true as even i have experienced it sometimes but still i like to play it simple but not straight. like this , i am confounded with one such significant question. i just dont understand one question i.e. why do we need to do something. sometimes maturity, stability, steadiness seems so borring and pathetic. to get embroiled in responsibility seems as if your own freedom is lost.whenever i go out i am inundated with questions as to what do i do?toh kya sudhi aayu, tane toh aaram chhe ne, IAS clear thase ke nai, and all non-sensical questions.
i wonder that i dont even have the freedom to dream, aspire and fly.how can i make them understand that sometimes journey itself is the destination. is it not enough that i am living.why do anyone needs to prove that he or she is an IAS, CA, MBA or Doctor. The lens through which society peeps is blurred and myopic. even if i become an IAS someday i would still remain that bloody, naughty, indulgent varun.i would attached more power, authority, prestige and staus to myself thats it.i agree that one needs to responsible and self dependent.but i sometimes wonder as why we need to work. its not that one should be conplacent and lazy. but i think everybody should work or do a job or whatever they do to earn money because ultimately they like it and not because they should.lets work if you enjoy and money be the by-product. i promise you 'll be bestowed with opulent wealth.its not at all questioning one's ambition or desire.if you are not doing what you love ,just pack your bags and go home. but yes if its a means to an end then continue with it.i think i am blessed in the sense i am getting the fruits of the hardwork of my lovely parents. people do have compulsion to work hard and earn money for bread butter.but the point i want to make is that lets not pigeon-hole anybody with respect to its credentials and degrees.dont machinesed our work process for achieving some credentials in the society which finally leaves you dehumanised and emotion-less.
i hate the term emotional intelligence when acheiving success makes you think more from brain and less from heart. challenge, competition, jealousy are so outdated virtues and piece makers and peace breakers.lets not weigh people on the merit of degrees, awards, certificates scripted on one's resume. both IPS and PSI are humans with contrasting classes and grades.its not that i am not ambitious otherwise i wouldnt have chosen larger then life dream of clearing IAS.but i think everybody is talented outhere.you just need to believe in the power of your dreams.
do you know what i want to do? i want to travel the whole world.i want to learn people, cultures , behaviours and ultimately dream. my best part of the day is wheni sleep as thats the only time i can be myself and i can dream. maybe thats not the most pragmatic way of living life.i know finally money matters and all that. but still whenever in life you get a chance live your dream.
atleast start doing one thing from tonight that is dream unlimited!!( without putting logic into it).



varun desai